allow me to introduce myself
My friends call me "Key-ross", a nickname that came about after the constant mispronunciation of my last name. I am 26, I am a technology consultant for a university in California, state employee perks are the best. I come from a big family - the youngest of six, you know how us Mexicans get down. I graduated from college last year with a degree I am not using and have no intention on using. I have one roomate who I consider to be my best friend. I drive a mustang, I draw, I write, and I happen to be gay (oops did I just say that?). Yeah, I guess I did.
This is my second attempt at keeping a blog. My first blog succumbed to my inability to be myself. I had started it fully expecting to be able to freely express myself and I was able to, but just for a bit. Soon, people who knew me personally were reading and so I started to clam up until ultimately I stopped blogging altogether. See here is the thing; I used to think that me being gay was just something that I was and not who I was. How's that for a crock of shit? I realize now that a big part of who I am has to do with me being gay. Decisions I make and relationships I have with people around me are very much dictated by the fact that I am gay and until a couple years ago I hadn't been too comfortable with that. It is hard to maintain a blog and express your ideas when you're constantly worrying about what you can share and what you shouldn't or when you have to play the pronoun game (i.e. "they" instead of "him"). It's a constant burden, for me anyway, the coming out process. Fuck, it's never ending - everytime you meet someone new eventually that is going to have to come up. Assuming they become significant enough to share that with.
The reaction I usually get when coming out is that of disbelief. I guess I don't fit the stereotypes - I hate shopping, I don't have my eyebrows did, I don't obsess about my looks, I don't have a lisp, I'm not a Cher fan, I don't desire to be a woman and don't act like one, but I do like men. :) I guess I would be considered butch? I don't like the whole "straight-acting" label, because it implies that my masculinity is an act, which is not. It's not that I pretend to be straight, it's just how I grew up, it's who I am. Not that it helps when trying to meet guys, but that's a whole new post for a different day.
Okay, enough of that. You guys get the picture. Having said all this I hope to be able to honestly post about the daily shit that runs through my mind. Come back and check up on me once in a while.
This is my second attempt at keeping a blog. My first blog succumbed to my inability to be myself. I had started it fully expecting to be able to freely express myself and I was able to, but just for a bit. Soon, people who knew me personally were reading and so I started to clam up until ultimately I stopped blogging altogether. See here is the thing; I used to think that me being gay was just something that I was and not who I was. How's that for a crock of shit? I realize now that a big part of who I am has to do with me being gay. Decisions I make and relationships I have with people around me are very much dictated by the fact that I am gay and until a couple years ago I hadn't been too comfortable with that. It is hard to maintain a blog and express your ideas when you're constantly worrying about what you can share and what you shouldn't or when you have to play the pronoun game (i.e. "they" instead of "him"). It's a constant burden, for me anyway, the coming out process. Fuck, it's never ending - everytime you meet someone new eventually that is going to have to come up. Assuming they become significant enough to share that with.
The reaction I usually get when coming out is that of disbelief. I guess I don't fit the stereotypes - I hate shopping, I don't have my eyebrows did, I don't obsess about my looks, I don't have a lisp, I'm not a Cher fan, I don't desire to be a woman and don't act like one, but I do like men. :) I guess I would be considered butch? I don't like the whole "straight-acting" label, because it implies that my masculinity is an act, which is not. It's not that I pretend to be straight, it's just how I grew up, it's who I am. Not that it helps when trying to meet guys, but that's a whole new post for a different day.
Okay, enough of that. You guys get the picture. Having said all this I hope to be able to honestly post about the daily shit that runs through my mind. Come back and check up on me once in a while.
posted by edward at 9/20/2005 02:35:00 PM
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