because work can wait

I thought I'd steal this idea and give it a try.

Go to Google. Type in "(your name) needs"

Edward needs sunscreen. (Wouldn't want to get all dark and shit)
Edward needs a reminder of just how far his son Billy has come. (Hell, Edward needs a reminder of making this kid Billy...don't recal ever being THAT drunk.)
Edward needs to announce his measures. (For all the size queens out there.)
Edward needs to be allowed to remain in regular contact with her. (So remove the restraining order bitch!)
Edward needs your assistance! (If you're tall, dark, handsome and well endowed...help please!)
Edward needs a skilled and patient family. (To put up with my bullshit)
Edward needs a patient. (To play doctor with. hehe)
Edward needs some beer and male-bonding. (Amen! Beer and bondage...um, I mean bonding, that's what I need!)

And a little variation:

Edward thinks AJ should take advantage of Courtney's love. (She's a bitch anyway.)
Edward thinks even a coward hearing these words would become brave. (So listen up bitches!)
Edward thinks Lucy gets enough pocket money. (Turning tricks! She's my best ho, fo sho!)
Edward thinks we can develop these abilities. (I really don't, I just tell them that, 'cause they're "special".)
Edward thinks that Tom took his place at Westminster. (And so Tom must die! Bastard!)
Edward thinks she must have been a bushranger. (AKA carpet muncher)
Edward thinks to himself. ("...just because I have gay sex, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm gay, right?.")
Edward thinks it's the little things that Doug does that makes this place special. (As long as Doug is on his knees. hehe)