holiday blues...i think

I've been on this high of excitement lately. Christmas is coming and I can't wait. Then it will be New Year's again, fuck! And while I'm still all excited about all that, I can feel a little longing creeping into the far recesses of my mind. I've been going out with friends, having a good time, meeting new people, and it's been a blast. Yet there's that longing, lonely feeling that I wish to have someone next to me to keep warm at night and wake up to in the morning. It's been so long since I've had that that I find it hard to imagine what it felt like. I have many great friends around me and yet at times I feel so fuckin' lonely. I yearn for that intimate closeness you only share with someone you truly love and right now I don't have that. I can go out and get some intimacy with anyone, and I have, but it just doesn't compare.

My ex has been on my mind alot lately. We always shared this strange connection where if we were thinking of one another one of us would always call the other. Yesterday, just as I was thinking about that fucker, he sent me a text message to say hello and see how I was doing. I will admit that I still love him, don't know if I'm still in love with him, but I still love him. I don't think that I would get back together with him. He's pushed me away so much, for so long that I just don't have that feeling for him anymore. Yet, he's constantly on my mind. I don't know what to make of it, other than I might be feeling a little lonely going into this holiday season.

*Boohoo, man up biatch!*
Okay, now that I've given myself that little pep talk I feel a little better. Just felt like venting that right quick. On a lighter note...it's almost Friday!!!