the more things change the more they stay the same
This time last year I was working at a friends hardware shop, living from check to check and very stressed out because of it. I was single and hating it! I was still very much in love with my ex and hoped very much to get back with him. I was thinner, probably because of all the stress and was generally unhappy.
This year let's see...I have a good job I wish I was happy at, but it pays the bills very nicely. I am single again and somewhat enjoying it. Let's just say it's slowed somewhat, since I've been dating this guy. But I'm single nonetheless. I am not still in love with my ex, but I have been thinking about him a lot lately and I don't know why. I haven't seen him since that day he broke it off...that's been almost 4 months now, damn! To be quite honest I kinda prefer it that way. We do talk on the phone every now and then, but it's always more of a catch up thing. Never really talk about us or what happened.
Last week we had a conversation, just a normal conversation as usual, however toward the end of our chat he hesitantly asked when we were gonna start hanging out again. His question was followed by a long, "umm...uhhh....oh crazy" on my part. I really didn't know how to answer him, "not anytime soon", "I dunno, I'll get back to you" I suppose could've been acceptable answers, they would've been honest anyway. Instead I said, "whenever, just let me know and if we're both not busy we'll work something out." He picked up on my hesitation and called me on it. Ah well. I know I still hold some hurt feelings and maybe some anger toward him. Part of his argument for calling it off was that he felt the one day a week we got to spend a couple hours together was impeding him from enjoying his time off from work to do as he pleased. So the thought that he now would like to spend some time with me kinda gets under my skin. I don't think I'm ready to pretend that everything is fine and that I'm not still hurt, because it would be just that...me pretending. Although, I guess I have to put those feelings behind me in order to move on. I don't know. Maybe I should see him and just let those feelings go. He called me Friday and put his daughter on the phone, she wanted to thank me for her Christmas gift. I tell ya, if I was a crier I would've shed some tears...I love that little girl. I got really attached to her and she seemed to really like me too. That was one of the hardest things with dealing with the break up, it wasn't just a break up from him.
It seems the more things change the more they stay the same, I was going through the same shit last year, with the same guy. The only difference this year is that I've met someone that I think I could fall for and that scares me. It scares me, because I don't know how to proceed from here. We've been dating for about a month now and I am really digging him. We talk on the phone frequently, but never a serious conversation about where this dating is leading to. And I think we both consciously steer clear of that topic. He's been single for 2 yrs and is just now getting back out there and well I had said that I wasn't going to be getting involved anytime soon. But we've really hit it off. This whole dating business is just really confusing. Part of me is just REALLY scared of starting another relationship and another part of me knows that I'm perfectly comfortable in a relationship. I guess the best course of action here is to continue as I have been...cautiously.
Whatever the case, I'm starting off this year with a positive outlook. I hope it's a great year and that I am able to make the most out of what comes my way. Say a little prayer me.
This year let's see...I have a good job I wish I was happy at, but it pays the bills very nicely. I am single again and somewhat enjoying it. Let's just say it's slowed somewhat, since I've been dating this guy. But I'm single nonetheless. I am not still in love with my ex, but I have been thinking about him a lot lately and I don't know why. I haven't seen him since that day he broke it off...that's been almost 4 months now, damn! To be quite honest I kinda prefer it that way. We do talk on the phone every now and then, but it's always more of a catch up thing. Never really talk about us or what happened.
Last week we had a conversation, just a normal conversation as usual, however toward the end of our chat he hesitantly asked when we were gonna start hanging out again. His question was followed by a long, "umm...uhhh....oh crazy" on my part. I really didn't know how to answer him, "not anytime soon", "I dunno, I'll get back to you" I suppose could've been acceptable answers, they would've been honest anyway. Instead I said, "whenever, just let me know and if we're both not busy we'll work something out." He picked up on my hesitation and called me on it. Ah well. I know I still hold some hurt feelings and maybe some anger toward him. Part of his argument for calling it off was that he felt the one day a week we got to spend a couple hours together was impeding him from enjoying his time off from work to do as he pleased. So the thought that he now would like to spend some time with me kinda gets under my skin. I don't think I'm ready to pretend that everything is fine and that I'm not still hurt, because it would be just that...me pretending. Although, I guess I have to put those feelings behind me in order to move on. I don't know. Maybe I should see him and just let those feelings go. He called me Friday and put his daughter on the phone, she wanted to thank me for her Christmas gift. I tell ya, if I was a crier I would've shed some tears...I love that little girl. I got really attached to her and she seemed to really like me too. That was one of the hardest things with dealing with the break up, it wasn't just a break up from him.
It seems the more things change the more they stay the same, I was going through the same shit last year, with the same guy. The only difference this year is that I've met someone that I think I could fall for and that scares me. It scares me, because I don't know how to proceed from here. We've been dating for about a month now and I am really digging him. We talk on the phone frequently, but never a serious conversation about where this dating is leading to. And I think we both consciously steer clear of that topic. He's been single for 2 yrs and is just now getting back out there and well I had said that I wasn't going to be getting involved anytime soon. But we've really hit it off. This whole dating business is just really confusing. Part of me is just REALLY scared of starting another relationship and another part of me knows that I'm perfectly comfortable in a relationship. I guess the best course of action here is to continue as I have been...cautiously.
Whatever the case, I'm starting off this year with a positive outlook. I hope it's a great year and that I am able to make the most out of what comes my way. Say a little prayer me.
posted by edward at 1/03/2006 11:03:00 AM
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