skeptic no more

So I posted last Friday about my horoscope being right on the money for the month. Wouldn't you know it...today I got some clarity about my whole situation. I heard from my ex today, actually I initiated the email exchange and it only cemented the fact that his shit is all fucked up right now. A relationship with him would be totally impossible. It also cemented the fact that I love this guy like no other, 'cause even all that's gone down I still would like to help him out. He's in a state of mind that I was in a few years back and I know it's not a good place to be...so I feel for him. It sucks to see someone you love hurt like he must be hurting...so I've offered my friendship and I wish him well.

And Frankie J is fuckin' hot! This has nothing to do with this post, but a couple of his videos have played on my Launchcast player since I started this post so I thought I'd mention it.

the sad truth

So, do you think if I answer that I’m doing well, great, fanfuckintastic every time I’m asked how I’m doing, that eventually it’ll be so? My heart is heavy today and I don’t know if I can bear to drag it along.

comedy, beer, and a "yo mama..." joke

“Yo mama has a pussy on her hip, so she can make some money on the side.”  This was Dave’s comeback to some hecklers in the audience who wouldn’t shut the fuck up during the show. Throughout the 2-hour performance people kept shouting shit out, forcing him to stop and address them.  Mostly it was little drunken white boys who wanted him to act out parts of the skits from his show on Comedy Central.  “Shut the fuck up, damn!  I ain’t gonna act out the skits.  If you wanna see that shit, go out and buy the DVD.  I’m here live motherfuckers!”  He took it well and was bullshitting with the audience the whole time.  

The show was fuckin’ hilarious.  He’s fuckin’ hilarious.  It was just him and a mic on stage, no props, no set…just him.  It felt as though you were just chilling with Dave and he was telling you all these fuckin’ hilarious stories.  It was very relaxed.  The show ran for 2 hours straight to which my buddies complained, ‘cause all the alcohol consumption and laughing didn’t make for a good combo.  I’m sure there were plenty of wet seats after the show.  The hot little blonde sitting directly in front of me I’m positive must have wet her seat.  She couldn’t sit still for shit.  Then she kept fuckin’ with the halter top she was wearing and looking up at me like I was some kind of pervert or something.  Bitch please, trust me I am not even mildly interested now sit your bitch ass down and let me enjoy the show.  I get that sometimes though, I’ll smile at a girl in passing trying to be polite and what do I get in return…the don’t smile at me pervert look.  So now when I smile at a girl I simultaneously flip her off so that she doesn’t mistake my smile with me being interested.  But I digress, my point was that the Dave Chappelle performance was fuckin’ cool.

Afterward, a few buddies and I hit up Tony Roma’s happy hour.  Half-off all drinks and appetizers from 10pm till closing makes for a few happy hours indeed.  I had a couple beers at the performance and I lost count of how many large Samuel Adams’, or Samuel Jackson’s I had at Tony Roma’s.  I had to baby-sit my last beer, ‘cause I wanted to make sure it fit down the hatch, but most importantly I wanted to make sure my previous beers stayed down.  You know when you drink so much that you feel that dangerous lump in your throat and you know it can go either way, but you hope it goes down?  Well, I was so there for a bit.  Soon it went away though and so did my beer.  I knew I was done after that.  I was glad I made the smart move of sticking with beer the whole night.  I’ve learned my lesson about mixing beer and liquor the hard way.  “Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” or “Beer before liquor will make you sicker” turns out are not just nursery rhymes, they’re rules.  Too much of either though, can also make you just as sick.  Just ask my buddy who yacked his dinner into the trash can in the middle of this night.  

All in all, it was a good time and I seriously needed it.

    

drowning aquarius

Now, I’m usually pretty skeptical about all this astrology mumbo-jumbo, but fuck me if my horoscope is not eerily right on the money on everything for this month so far, down to the fuckin’ dates!

September

New and exciting developments in your romantic and emotional life will be happening over the next few weeks, Aquarius! The first week will be full of surprises and unexpected events. Trust your intuition now and go with your gut feelings, especially in love matters. Powerful changes are afoot, as you reexamine your values and feelings. A passionate attraction will leave you spinning around September 6. This could be something totally unexpected that takes your breath away. You'll be able to think of little else because of the strength of your feelings. Be careful of an overall tendency lately to live in a fantasy world and try to be realistic. Neptune has been spinning a fanciful web of confusion for some time in Aquarius. Romantic interludes are usually just that - a moment in time where everything appears to be perfect. Fantasies can make reality pale in comparison. After the initial rush of excitement and during the next week, there could be disappointments due to critical words, hidden secrets and arguments. This will leave you feeling very much alone and adrift. You can take back your power around September 17 and 18. New information will come to light that will help you to understand what has been going on. It may be surprising and unsettling to hear. You'll probably spend the rest of the month swinging between feeling confident that this attraction was real and important and being insecure and doubtful. You may get some clarity at last around September 29.

movie: waiting...

American Pie set in a restaurant.  That’s how I can best describe this movie.  The humor was dirty and raunchy…it was fucking hilarious!  Of course, my enjoyment of this film was undoubtedly greater due to the fact that I had a few beers before heading out to watch it.  No one I told I was going to be watching the sneak peak of it had even heard of it.  Therefore I wasn’t overly surprised at the small turn out, which was fine by me.  

What’s there to say really…Ryan Reynolds is fuckin’ hot!  About the movie though, it’s from the people who brought us American Pie, so I mean the raunchy humor was a given.  The film takes place throughout a single day at a popular restaurant named “Shenanigans”.  The name itself would be enough to warn me not to eat there.  The group of characters at this restaurant and what they do while working, makes you kinda rethink the whole restaurant dining experience.  Some of the shit the cooks pulled with customers’ food was fucking disgusting.  Next time I’m dining out I’ll be sure to inspect my food thoroughly before digging in.    My ex works at a movie theatre among young high school and college students and the stories he told me about how there’s all this inner dating and drama among the employees assured me that the shenanigans that went on at this restaurant aren’t too far from reality.

This movie is just what it’s advertised to be…good ol’ fashioned funny, dirty, raunchy escapism.  I wouldn’t recommend it to those with a weak stomach and a penchant for dining out.  On the plus side it’ll probably convince you to cook at home more often.  Watch it if you’re in the mood for some good cheap laughs.    

somebody give me some lovin'

Someone, anyone please help me out here!  I have recently broken up with the person I thought I would have a long run of it with.  Ha!  What do I know?  Actually, he broke up with me, for the third time, if we wanna get technical.  And just for the record this last time we got back together, it was he that pursued me.  This is all still very fresh, Monday, so I will maybe post about it when I am sure that I have run the full gamut of emotions…right now I am at extremely angry.

But I digress, I had a point I know I did…ah yes, the asking for help.  I would like to hear about how you and your current loved one first met.  I am not into torture, really I am not!  Well there was that one time, when I was on that leather swing at that club…oh I’m kidding, that would be scary.  No, it is not that I like to torture myself, simply that I am a hopeless romantic and so hearing about people being in love gives me some hope that maybe someday I too will find that one true love…hahaha!  That’s some corny shit, right there!  But seriously, do share.  Lift my spirits, ‘cause I need it bad right now.  Oh boy, would you look at the time…my ass needs to be in bed already.  

no steroids just yet

Have you guys watched Breaking Bonaduce on VH1?  Man that guy is insane!  The other day I caught a couple episodes and damn, the whole ex-child star thing really fucked him over good!  Anyway, in one of the episodes he was talking about how he had 3 gym memberships, at different gyms of course, because each gym thought that he was working out too much.  Apparently he put all his energy he used to devote to drinking and partying to working out.  Only, working out became another addiction for him, complete with steroid use.  I’m thinking, fuck, how can I make working out my addiction?  I certainly have the addiction trait in my genes; hell my father is an alcoholic.  With my luck though, I’d probably just develop one of those nasty addictions like alcohol, smoking, over eating, heroin, or sex…though I guess the latter wouldn’t be too nasty.          

Anywho, while I wouldn’t want to go to those extremes of working out I know I need to develop some kind of routine.  So, this is a desperate plea for some sound advice.  Well okay, maybe desperate is too dramatic a word.  I would just appreciate some advice on weight loss, fitness tips, work-out tips…whatever.  Back in July or late June I joined a gym and was pretty good about going about 3-4x a week.  Slowly that enthusiasm has faded, because of lack of visual results.  I really want to get back in the swing of things though, because I feel so damned unhealthy.  Lately I have been extremely stressed out and I know that working out would help with that.  So…if anyone can offer some advice and/or success stories (for morale) I would greatly appreciate it.  Please share thanks in advance.

on the bright side

When things suck ass I try to focus on shit that I have to look forward to:

1. Watching a free screening of Waiting… this Thursday.
2. Watching Dave Chappelle performing live on Saturday here in my home town.
3. Going to San Diego and Rosarito the following weekend…fuck yeah!
4. Going to the Green Day concert on October 4th.
5. This weekend…it can’t get here fast enough.

*Update - Just found out that the Green Day concert is the 1st not the 4th, that ruins my San Diego/Rosarito plans for that weekend...fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck it all to hell!*

allow me to introduce myself

My friends call me "Key-ross", a nickname that came about after the constant mispronunciation of my last name. I am 26, I am a technology consultant for a university in California, state employee perks are the best. I come from a big family - the youngest of six, you know how us Mexicans get down. I graduated from college last year with a degree I am not using and have no intention on using. I have one roomate who I consider to be my best friend. I drive a mustang, I draw, I write, and I happen to be gay (oops did I just say that?). Yeah, I guess I did.

This is my second attempt at keeping a blog. My first blog succumbed to my inability to be myself. I had started it fully expecting to be able to freely express myself and I was able to, but just for a bit. Soon, people who knew me personally were reading and so I started to clam up until ultimately I stopped blogging altogether. See here is the thing; I used to think that me being gay was just something that I was and not who I was. How's that for a crock of shit? I realize now that a big part of who I am has to do with me being gay. Decisions I make and relationships I have with people around me are very much dictated by the fact that I am gay and until a couple years ago I hadn't been too comfortable with that. It is hard to maintain a blog and express your ideas when you're constantly worrying about what you can share and what you shouldn't or when you have to play the pronoun game (i.e. "they" instead of "him"). It's a constant burden, for me anyway, the coming out process. Fuck, it's never ending - everytime you meet someone new eventually that is going to have to come up. Assuming they become significant enough to share that with.

The reaction I usually get when coming out is that of disbelief. I guess I don't fit the stereotypes - I hate shopping, I don't have my eyebrows did, I don't obsess about my looks, I don't have a lisp, I'm not a Cher fan, I don't desire to be a woman and don't act like one, but I do like men. :) I guess I would be considered butch? I don't like the whole "straight-acting" label, because it implies that my masculinity is an act, which is not. It's not that I pretend to be straight, it's just how I grew up, it's who I am. Not that it helps when trying to meet guys, but that's a whole new post for a different day.

Okay, enough of that. You guys get the picture. Having said all this I hope to be able to honestly post about the daily shit that runs through my mind. Come back and check up on me once in a while.