happy fuckin' new year!

Sumonabitch! Is it just me or does it seem like this passed year has just flown by? I know we say that every year, but seriously this passed year is all a big fuckin' blur to me. As with every year there's been good and there's been bad, more good than bad though I have to say. I only hope this next year is just as eventful. Well my friends I just wanted to wish you all a very Happy New Year! May we leave all the negative behind and start the new year fresh. Here's to all our plans for the coming year. Much love my friends.

ho ho ho!

Here's wishing you all have a Merry Christmas surrounded by family, friends...all those you love. Much love to all yous!

good for something

It seems these days everyone AND their mom is on MySpace. Literally, I have a couple friends who's mom's also have a profile up. Anyway, this morning I thought I'd search for an old buddy I had lost contact with for about 4 years. I've known him since fourth grade. All throughout, grade school and high school we were the best of friends. He was my sci-fi contact. He introduced me to Anime, the Alien franchise, and Star Trek - The Next Generation. After high school he joined the Marine Corps. I remember we kept in contact through snail mail throughout his boot camp experience. During his initial enlistment, he was envious of me for having gone to college and I of him for all the traveling and experiences he was having. When his first term was up, he went back to our hometown for a couple months. He was a changed man, he was still the same sci-fi geek, but he was just much more serious and according to his mom very moody. He had hoped to re-enlist and join the Airforce and be shipped to Japan, his life long goal had always been to live in Japan. Well, that didn't quite pan out and he ended up living in Arkansas or Oklahoma for a few years. That was the last I heard of him. We lost touch since then. Partly, because I didn't have his contact info, but mainly because it was then that I was initially coming out and having grown up with him like a brother it was just easier to keep my distance. This has been my experience with other high school buddies, as well. I'm only now getting around to coming out to them, but I had pushed all of them away.

So I get on MySpace this morning and I do a search for his name. I scroll down through a few matches then I come across a profile pic of a screen shot of some video game and I knew I had found him. Read through his profile and I cannot explain my excitement. He's still working for the government and he's been living in Tokyo, Japan since August of this year. How fuckin' awesome is that?! That just made my day. So I shot him a message and I'm hoping that I'll hear back from him soon. Fuck guys, you don't know how excited I am to have found this guy. He was my childhood best friend. Now, I realize when he reads my profile he'll find out that I'm gay, and I don't know how he'll take that, but fuck it...

psst...you have some uhm, hair...

I've been meaning to put this out there and get some advice. I have this friend, right? A female friend and we cool and all, but I'm not comfortable enough to tell her that she has a little mustache growing. But everytime I see it, it just drives me crazy...it makes me anxious. I don't have the slightest idea of how to bring it up. I mean I'm sure she notices it, right? I mean she has to. She wears makeup so it's not like she doesn't look in the mirror everyday. But then again, maybe she doesn't have a problem with it and I'd just insult her if I mention it. But gosh! It just don't look right. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. Yes, I think I will do just that. For you women out there, if you had a few unsightly hairs on your upper lip would you want to be made aware of it?

date numero dos

Last night I went out on a second date with this guy. We had dinner at a steakhouse, the food was great! During dinner he asked if I wanted to tast his meat, prime rib people, get your heads outta the gutter. My natural reaction was to reach for the piece of meat on his fork with my fork, but he wanted to feed it to me. Reluctantly I accepted. Afterward, there was the akward looking around to make sure no one had seen. Of course, there was a couple of jocks sitting at a table next to ours who did their best to pretend they hadn't seen. I felt a bit embarrassed, then a bit defiant (why the fuck should I feel embarrassed?!) fuck I'm on a date. Still, that caught me off guard. It was different.

After dinner, we went to a little Fun park where we played a round of mini-golf, got wet on the bumper boats (not too smart considering it was cold out), then got in a few laps of mini-cart racing. It was a fuckin' blast. Again, it was a different experience. With my ex most our dates consisted of dinner and a movie, which got old REALLY quick. Anyway, afterward we headed to my place where we spent a few hours just laying on my bed talking and making out of course. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy kissing, I like it alot. And no, we didn't go passed making out. I'm a lady like that. It'll take more than dinner and a great time at a fun park to get in my jeans, namely lots of liquor. J/k..usually one strong drink will do it. ;) This guy is a fuckin' dork...and that's really hot to me. He's just a fun person to be around. So that's the second date down and so far so good. Here's hoping it'll be cool.

the date chisme

Aight, I haven't been on a "date" in over 2 yrs. Sad I know, but oh so true. I met this guy at the club. Last Friday we swapped numbers and ended up having a 3 hr conversation Sunday night. It was crazy. If there's one thing that turns me on about a guy besides a sense of humor is their ability to hold their own in a conversation. This guy was not only funny, but those 3 hrs just flew by. So anyway, we decided to go out last night and watch King Kong. It's a great movie by the way. Surprisingly, I was very comfortable on the date. Probably because we'd gotten to know eachother somewhat from our phone conversation. During the movie the body language was there, we were both just so comfortable with eachother. So I gave him a hand job right then and there. Okay, not really. Geez...you swear I'm a slut like that. No, but there was some playful touching and nudging. So I knew we were both cool.

After the movie we decided to go grab some grub at some Mexican place. We talked alot over dinner and had a couple drinks, before we were practically kicked out. They were closing and so they started to mop around our table...we got the hint. We weren't ready to call it a night yet so we went over to Tony Roma's to have some drinks there, but to our dissmay they too were getting ready to close and we had just missed last call. It was about 11:30 or so. That's the bad thing about living in Fresno, everything closes so damned early. I thought about taking him home and kicking it and talking there, but then I remembered that my roomate (the cock-blocker!) always sleeps in the living room, 'cause he's too lazy to clean all the junk off his bed. So we ended up just sitting in my car on the street outside my aparment complex. We talked and we talked and somewhere during our talking he started getting affectionate...you know nothing perverse just playing/holding my hand, running his hand through my hair (I have hair now by the way, I'm growing it out). Soon it was 1 o'clock and we were still sitting there talking and a lot closer than we first were. You know both wanting to go in for that kiss, but not too sure about it. Finally, we just went for it...and it was good! OMG, I haven't kissed someone like that and have it feel like it did in sooo long. The next hour we spent talking some more and in between the talking, making out some more. It was nice, very nice. He ended up leaving around 2 o'clock. I felt bad, 'cause the poor guy had to work early in the morning and he still had to drive clear across town. But we enjoyed ourselves and plan to see eachother again soon.

Now, I know I said that I didn't want to get into another relationship right now...but damn. I'm a little confused and scared about this situation. On the one hand I've been enjoying going out and being single, but on the other hand it's kinda getting a bit boring. Me and this guy click and it might be interesting to see how this plays out. Right now I'm just going with the flow...I have no real big expectations other than he's a cool guy and I REALLY enjoyed spending time with him last night. So we'll see where this goes...I'm a bit excited about it.

for all you married folk out there...

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, NBL 3.0, RFL 4.0, Cricket 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

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Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http//: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support



INSTALLING WIFE 1.0

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User
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REPLY: Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

spreading...um, the holiday spirit!

what was I thinking?

I decided this year that I wanted to have a Christmas dinner get together at my place. Nothing big or fancy, just invite a few close friends for some food, some drinks, and some good times.

When I started college I developed a little group of friends; oh about 7 of us. We were all for the most part in the same major and we just instantly clicked. Through the course of our college years, a couple ventured out to other majors. However, we've still managed to remain pretty close. We attend each other's family functions and for a while there it sort of became a tradition to go out every Friday night for dinner and a movie. Man those were great times. However, as with most things...everything changes when you grow up. Lately, we haven't really seen much of each other even though we all still keep in contact. The last time most of us were all together was about a couple months ago when we got together for dinner to celebrate someone's bday. We've just all become pretty busy with our grown up lives...it's crazy. Some of us are working full-time, others are still in school, and some have moved out of town.

Anyway, I thought it would be cool to try to get us all together for a dinner before the end of the year. Something tells me next year will be an even busier year for all of us. Well, it will be for me anyway...I'm planning to go back to schoool, which will require me moving away. So, I'm trying to spend as much time with these people who have grown to mean so much to me before everything REALLY changes. This dinner I decided to have is tomorrow and I'm realizing I have tons of shit to do...and I have a date tonight, so I am not getting anything done tonight. My roommate has been too busy studying for finals to be of any help and the fucker hates being a host, so I'm having to get all this shit ready on my own. Don't get me wrong I'm excited about doing it and I'm looking forward to spending time with my friends, but it's a lot of work planning this dinner deal. Martha Stewart I am not, trust! So I'm sure I'll forget to do something...ah fuck it. It'll be good, it'll be fun...and I'm getting drunk!

revoke it, shred it, then burn it

Seven traffic violations since 2004, the last four in the span of only a few months. Fuck the license suspension! They need to revoke this drunken broads license indefinitely. Or at least until she can get her drinking problem under control. WTF? It should be illegal for this girl to even sit behind the drivers wheel, whether the car is in motion or not.

this girl can sing!

I went to the Kelly Clarkson concert last night. I know, that's so gay right? It was pretty good though. Short, 1 hr long, but it was good. And man can she sing. She has some pipes on her. You know the artist is good when you go see them live and they sound just as good as they do on their album. Plus she's hot! I don't care what people say about Kelly, I like her. I don't regret voting for her all those times on American Idol. Hehe...okay, so I only voted once, no really I swear.

So anyway, as was expected my friend and I were among the select few old enough to drink. I almost felt embarrassed standing there a few feet from Kelly in a sea of little teeny boppers with a beer in my hand. I said ALMOST, 'cause I needed those couple of beers to relax enough to not let the little screaming girls get to me. We had floor seats by the way. We were about 4 rows from the stage. Unfortunately for us there were a couple amazon women standing directly in front of us. These girls were tall...no I mean TALL! I thought how can this be, two gargantuum women and just our luck they happen to be friends and standing right in front of us? Gosh! I spent the whole time moving from side to side just so I could see passed their heads as Kelly walked across the stage. Luckily, she spend most of the time at the foot of the cat walk that protruded into the audience where my vision was unobstructed.

It was funny how you could so pick out the gay guys in the audience...they were the ones jumping up and down and dancing while singing all her songs word for word. I wasn't familiar with all her songs and I'm not THAT gay otherwise I'd probably be among those obvious few. But anywho, she got down. She has a rockin' voice.

x-mas tree pics!

Finally got around to posting pics of my humble little tree. I tried to get a decent picture of it with the lights down, but my camera wasn't cooperating. Anyway, here it is! It really did take me about an hour to put all my ornaments and shit on it. It might not look like it but it did, I swear.

holiday blues...i think

I've been on this high of excitement lately. Christmas is coming and I can't wait. Then it will be New Year's again, fuck! And while I'm still all excited about all that, I can feel a little longing creeping into the far recesses of my mind. I've been going out with friends, having a good time, meeting new people, and it's been a blast. Yet there's that longing, lonely feeling that I wish to have someone next to me to keep warm at night and wake up to in the morning. It's been so long since I've had that that I find it hard to imagine what it felt like. I have many great friends around me and yet at times I feel so fuckin' lonely. I yearn for that intimate closeness you only share with someone you truly love and right now I don't have that. I can go out and get some intimacy with anyone, and I have, but it just doesn't compare.

My ex has been on my mind alot lately. We always shared this strange connection where if we were thinking of one another one of us would always call the other. Yesterday, just as I was thinking about that fucker, he sent me a text message to say hello and see how I was doing. I will admit that I still love him, don't know if I'm still in love with him, but I still love him. I don't think that I would get back together with him. He's pushed me away so much, for so long that I just don't have that feeling for him anymore. Yet, he's constantly on my mind. I don't know what to make of it, other than I might be feeling a little lonely going into this holiday season.

*Boohoo, man up biatch!*
Okay, now that I've given myself that little pep talk I feel a little better. Just felt like venting that right quick. On a lighter note...it's almost Friday!!!

it's beginning to look a lot like xxx-mas!

I spent the better part of Saturday at the mall. Have I mentioned how much I hate shopping...especially at the mall. OMFG! The fuckin' crowds, the lines, the crying screaming children...it's like torture. I was good for about the first hour and a half, but then I realized I had only traveled the first half of the mall. Damn, that bitch is huge! I did good though, 'cause I knocked off about 10 people off my Christmas list. The sad thing is I still have about 18 more gifts to go. Having a huge family is both a blessing and a nightmare (when it comes to Christmas shopping). When I finally threw in the towel for shopping for the day, I had spent over 4 hrs at the mall...4 fuckin' hours! I don't remember the last time I spent more than an hour at the mall.

There's this new renovation project going on at our local mall. They've gone and built a "village" type plaza at the entrance to the mall, which looks cool I guess. They've gotten a few high-end stores to come to town. Apparently, Sephora is all the rage. I was in that place for about half an hour and I felt soooo gay. It's so bright in there, there's women everywhere, there's pretty colors everywhere, makeup from wall to wall, and every possible cologne you could possibly think of. At this new plaza there's also a new Cheesecake Factory and the line to get in the bitch was wrapped around the corner. Apparently it just opened on Saturday afternoon. I won't be visiting that place for a couple months until the excitement of it's newness wears off. I don't need to visiting that place anyway...too much temptation. Their cheesecakes are fucking delicious!

Sunday, I continued my shopping. I woke up early and set out to find my perfect tree and while I didn't bring home the perfect tree (that bitch was nearly $100) my tree is beautiful. After that I went to Wal-Mart (huge mistake) that place is usually a zoo anyway, now it's a fuckin' zoo run an muck. Got a few things and was out of that bitch as soon I could. I ended up at Toys 'R Us where I knocked off 4 more gifts. Yay! I'm all about educational toys for my godchildren this year, so I got my two godsons the Leapfrog Leapster Learning system. It's a pretty cool little gadget. I got my goddaughter and my ex's little girl the original LeapPad. They're all bright kids, so I wouldn't want to have that go unused with some toy that'll maybe last them about a month. So I'm well on my way to getting my shopping done a bit early.

Last night I spent about an hour setting up my Christmas tree (or Holiday Tree to be PC), so now my place is starting to look a lot like Christmas. I bought a few Family Guy ornaments for my tree...they're so cool. In case you haven't figured it out, Christmas is my favorite holiday. I'm like a little kid all excited and shit. I can't wait to be able to be back home with a house full of family enjoying a good time. I love that my family is so huge. Makes for great times for the holidays.

get educated

A couple decades later, it's still the biggest health challenge in the world. Get educated, show your support.